Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ode to Chicken Pie (With alarming video)

I am sick.  My throat burns.

In an attempt to make myself feel better I bought a pie when I went to the shopping centre this morning.

I haven't had a pie for about 2 years.  Yet, from far away, this one was calling me - the pastry on top looked light, buttery and crisp, and I could feel the warmth emanating from the pie warmer, urging me to embrace the delights with in.  I eschewed the plain, podgy old meat ones, glossed over the potato topped pie (or potatoe if you are Dan Quayle) with it's crunchy yet soft white whirls, and rejected the temptations of meat and mushroom.  This is because my favourite pie is chicken - plump pieces of juicy white meat floating in an alluring cream sauce...mmmm... perfect in sickness and in health.  I passed over my $3.90 eagerly - hell - I would have even paid $4.50 just to get me some of that.

I cradled it gently and lovingly in my arms while I maneuvered the trolley through the shopping centre, each step laden with anticipation of the first bite, while at the same time paralysed with the fear of dropping it before it and I could have our wicked way.  I started the car, speeding through the traffic, pie perched precariously on my lap. For a split second, I contemplated leaving the shopping in the car just to rush inside and take it, to have it - the first passionate, tongue tingling love bite - but I didn't, wanting to delay the pleasure...mmmm chicken pie...

I dutifully bought the groceries in, and sat down before I sized up the pie, caressing it and taking one last look at its delectible-ness before I enthusiastically bit in, thrusting my tongue deeply into its warm, moist core... and... despite my throat feeling like both Alien and a super spiny Predator had gone a round or two in it,  I couldn't but burst into song...

Ode to Chicken Pie (sung to the tune of O Christmas tree…)

Oh chicken pie!
oh chicken pie!
Your pastry crust deceived me!

You looked so sweet!
So full of meat!
But your pastry crust deceived me!

My mouth was leaking oh so much
My tongue was drooling for your touch
But now I feel sick after lunch because
Your pastry crust deceived me

Oh chicken pie oh chicken pie,
Much pleasure thou can’st give me
Oh chicken pie oh chicken pie,
Much pleasure thou can’st give me

But when your pastry doesn’t snap
and you’re full of
Meat shavings and some jello crap
Instead of having chunks of meat
My cat won’t even eat this treat

Oh chicken pie, oh chicken pie
Your pastry crust deceived me


  1. you're mad gilbert.

    i'll make you a proper chicken pie soon enough.

  2. I can't wait!!! wwweeeeheheeeee

  3. You're utterly crazy!!!!
    theres nothing worse than a bad pie experience. i had a bad quiche experience that i've remembered for years, i bought a miniquiche that they'd filled with cheap white sauce. i dont know why but i often think of it, years later. maybe i should get out more.

  4. I know!! Both about the crazy AND the pie! I hadn't had one for years - normally I make my own so I at least know what's in it and, to my regret (and most probably every one else's that has had to suffer my alarming video), it was, dare I say, fowl.

    My hope is to write enough posts that it disappears into a blog abyss, but happily and sadly I am managing to write for my phd, so the post must stand for the time being until I have finished my chore.

  5. hee hee. i know what you mean about the blog abyss. but hey, its you, so thats the way it should be?

    i said you were crazy but i admire your ooomph. how did you capture that video? webcam or what?

    must research your blog to find out what you're doing for your PhD...

  6. Well, I am emboldened by the anonymity of the internet - at least I was - until I finally told my friends that I was on writing it!

    I just put the video up the normal way...I think?