We used to be so comfortable with each other. Best friends, inseparable. He took me everywhere. Sometimes on sunny days we would meander our way to the beach. He didn't like swimming very much but luckily he was just content to sit there and watch the goings on, hot women in small bikinis, excited children squealing as they retreated from the attacking waves, the changing colours as the sun went down. Sometimes we would pack a picnic and hit the mountain roads, enjoying the verdant scenery. He'd play music for me and we would revel in each other's company.
I've always felt safe within his embrace. I trusted him to take good care of my young men and keep them safe too, and you know what? He never let me down. He was the only one I trusted with my family when we left the green cane waving in the fields and moved 1000 kilometres to the concrete jungle.
But things have changed. It started off slowly. He wouldn't be there when I needed him most. When I was running late he'd refuse to do what he knew needed to be done. I just couldn't get him started. He let me down from time to time. He stopped taking me places. I began to lose respect and that sense of safety that was the crux of our relationship, I just didn't feel he was strong for me anymore. Sometimes I had trouble warming him up to do what I really needed done, and other days he'd be too hot and I didn't want anything to do with him.
And let's face it, I know I am not a spring chicken either, I could stand to lose a few kilos, but he's really getting old. He's balding, and his skin is flaky, and I know I shouldn't throw stones but his looks are definitely fading to the point where I am embarrassed to be seen with him. To top it all off his bits just don't work how they used to.
I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. It's over. It's been a hard decision. We've been together for more than 12 years, almost a quarter of my life. He's all the young men have known. And, even though I am the one making the decision, it's still devastating to me to imagine him alone. It's not how I thought it would end.
But, even though I am sad, I can let you in to a little secret that I've kept from both him and the young men, a secret that I have been reluctant to tell my extended family because I'm worried about what they will think of me. I've been seeing someone else for the last couple of days. I'm so rapt ... and she's beautiful. She has a smile that I just can't resist. She sparkles, and she is smooth - so much smoother than he used to be - I could run my hands over her body all day - her curves are magnificent. She encourages me to take care of myself, I want to look my best when I am with her. I don't feel safe with her at all. But I don't feel my age either - instead I feel excited, racy, confident and...a little bit sexy. It's just what I need.
So there it is ... out with the old...
|Bits not working|
|Struggling to hold himself together|
|Thanks for everything you have done for me old friend, I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore.|
Instead I am in love with her...
|Sparkly and smooth|
|It's early days, but I could be in love|
See you on the flipside - but you'll have to catch me first. Whoo hooooooo!